YCDTOSA VOLUME VI
the Sex and Halloween Candy tapes
NUMBER OF TRACKS- 37
NUMBER OF OTHERWISE UNRELEASED TRACKS- 11 (MOI Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath, Madison
Panty-Sniffing Festival, Farther O'Blivion, Lonely Person Devices, Make A Sex Noise, Tracy
is a Snob, Emperor of Ohio, NYC Halloween Audience, Thirteen, Lobster Girl, Lisa's Life
Story)
NUMBER OF DRAMATICALLY DIFFERENT ARRANGEMENTS OF RELEASED TRACKS- 1 (Take Your Clothes Off
When You Dance)
YEARS COVERED- 11 ('70, '71, '73, '76, '77, '78, '79, '80, '81, '84, '88)
DISC ONE
THE MOI ANTI-SMUT LOYALTY OATH (1)- Playing in Miami shortly after Jim Morrison's
unveiling of his Serpent King, Frank opens the show with this improvised "oath of
decency" to the imbecilic state of Florida. I think it is funny. It works nicely as
an opening to this disc, though it would work much better if it did not segue
into…(1970)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
THE POODLE LECTURE (0)- As a segue from "Stinkfoot" into "Dirty Love",
Frank gave this little spiel at way too many concerts in '76 and '77. If you have heard
this once, then you have heard it too many times. It should lose points for breaking the
momentum created by "…which is the Ramada Inn".(1977)
BETTER SELECTION: No. All Poodle Lectures sucked.
DIRTY LOVE (1)- Harmless yet fun.(1979)
BETTER SELECTION: Yes. How about a Fall '76
Bianca version?
MAGIC FINGERS (1)- Love you Ray. Love you.(1980)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
THE MADISON SNIFFING PANTY FESTIVAL (0)- Another version of Tinseltown Rebellion's
"Panty Rap". It is this kind of stuff which ruins the stage series. (1980)
BETTER SELECTION: No. Who cares?
HONEY DON'T YOU WANT A MAN LIKE ME? (0)- No. I don't want another version of you
either.(1988)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
FARTHER O'BLIVION (1)- This is a too-short snippet of a '73 performance of a not-fully
evolved "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow Suite". Yes, this is nice, but why not
release an entire version of these interesting and frequently funny performances? That way
you do not have to rely on Panty Sniffing festivals and Sex Noise contest to fill-up
otherwise valuable disc space.(1973)
BETTER SELECTION: No. But the entire suite would
have been nice.
IS THAT GUY KIDDING OR WHAT? (0)- Unfortunately, no. He really does think stuff like this
deserves to be released. This is Frank's opening monologue for "I Have Been In
You"- the same one seen on "Baby Snakes", and basically the same one heard
before every '77 and '78 performance of that "Sheik Yerbouti" tune.(1977)
BETTER SELECTION: No. More worthless tripe.
I'M SO CUTE (1)- You are no Terry Ted, but you will do. Frank could have scored major
points here by releasing the 1976 debut performance, which sounds like a Rolling Stones
"Exile on Main Street" extract.(1980)
BETTER SELECTION: Yes. The aforementioned '76
version.
WHITE PERSON (1)- A little slice of Winter '78 "King Kong" madness. This is the
Mystery Word portion of the aforementioned tune. Again, a full-blown "King Kong"
would have made us all happier, but we will have to make do with this.(1978)
BETTER SELECTION: No. This is a good example of
the Mystery Word madness.
LONELY PERSON DEVICES (0)- Frank's explanation of "Ms. Pinky." Only a lonely
person would listen to this more than once.(1976)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
MS. PINKY (1)- An incredible improvement over the lethargic "Zoot Allures"
version. With the awesome segue into...…(1980)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
SHOVE IT RIGHT IN (SUITE) (1)- As Sean Gaffney says, "but of course". Get rid of
those annoying classical interludes, and you have one ferocious rocker. Plus, yet another
awesome segue, this time into...…(1971)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
WIND UP WORKING IN A GAS STATION (1)- I like the "Zoot Allures" version, but
nothing compares to Bianca.(1976)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
MAKE A SEX NOISE (0)- This is an edited version of one of the two Sex Noise contests from
the 1988 tour. The band vamps along, Ike says "make A Sex Noise", and audience
members moan and groan. This is from an '88 "Pound for a Brown", where it was
bearable thanks to the incredible music which preceded it. (1988)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
TRACY IS A SNOB (1)- This is an excellent example of the insanity that the Fall '80 band
would slide into in the waning days of their tour. Again (the question of the day), why
not release the entire song Frank, and put the improvisation in its proper context?(1980)
BETTER SELECTION: No. But again, how about the
whole song?
I HAVE BEEN IN YOU (0)- One too many times, for my taste.(1977)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
EMPEROR OF OHIO (1)- Again, a nice little slice of improvisation, but how about an entire
sandwich for once, and not just the meat?(1978)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
DINAH-MOE HUMM (1/2)- Sue me for liking this.(1984)
BETTER SELECTION: Yes. Both the Fall '74 band and
the Fall '76 band performed much better, funkier versions of this.
HE'S SO GAY (1/2)- This earns its points for giving us another reason not to have to dig
out our "Thingfish" CD's.(1984)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
CAMARILLO BRILLO (1)- I like the live version of this. The '84 band probably did the least
inspired version of it, but this is better than nothing. I would have preferred a Fall '74
version, with the funky George Duke keyboard solo ending, but beggars cannot be
choosers.(1984)
BETTER SELECTION: Yes. A Fall '74 or Spring '75
version would have been a treat.
MUFFIN MAN (1/2)- Yet another Zappa classic falling sick with the dreaded (is that a pun?)
reggae disease. Will we ever get an officially released "Muffin Man" that does
not fade out at the end?(1984)
BETTER SELECTION: Yes. An instrumental
performance from the Spring '75 tour would have been a true rarity.
DISC TWO
NYC HALLOWEEN AUDIENCE (0)- This is one of the sickest audience jams you will ever hear.
Listen closely. The guy in the left channel is yelling in 5/8, the girl in the far right
channel is clapping in 21, and the little boy in the middle is blowing his nose.
Phenomenal. (1981)
BETTER SELECTION: Yes. Track down some audience
bootlegs and release some of the utter nonsense that can be overheard on these tapes.
People talk about the strangest things while at a Frank show.
THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT (1)- The '84 band probably performed the least interesting
versions of this tune, but the Secret Word usage pushes this performance to another
level.(1984)
BETTER SELECTION: Yes. The Fall '80 tour
witnessed some truly outrageous IEB guitar solos.
THIRTEEN (1)- For the '78 Halloween run, "Pound for a Brown" contained a
thirteen vamp which was used to showcase the solos of special guest L Shankar and Zappa
himself. This release edits together Shankar and Zappa solos from separate nights, and
contains only the Thirteen portions of the respective monster "Pound for a
Browns". This is the type of stuff that the Stage series should have mostly
consisted. But again, I must ask, why give us only a portion of the jam, and why not the
whole Monster "Pound for a Brown" performance?(1978)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
LOBSTER GIRL (1)- This is a Patrick O'Hearn bass solo/improvised rant from a Monster '78
"Little House I Used to Live". Several questions this track leads me to ask.
One, is there a better bass player than Patrick O'Hearn? Two, why not give us the entire
Monster "Little House" performance"? Three, why does FZ get a songwriting
credit on this one?(1978)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
BLACK NAPKINS (1/2)- Oh, Frank. Why in the world would you edit an '84 guitar solo onto
Brecker's inspired '76 horn outing? You ruined what should have been one of the best
tracks of the series.(1976, 1984)
BETTER SELECTION: Yes. Any selection that does
not include an '84 performance. How about oneof the mini-Monsters from Fall '76/Winter
'77?
WE'RE TURNING AGAIN (0)- We really do not need another one of these.(1988)
BETTER SELECTION: Yes. Release a 1981 tour rehearsal
version which had bits of "Uncle Meat" thrown in between the verses.
ALIEN ORIFICE (0)- As much as I love this tune, and the always forceful solos contained
within, this is another tune that does not need another official release.(1982)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
CATHOLIC GIRLS (1)- Not as good as the studio version, but worth being released. Wouldn't
it have been great if he chose to release one of the "Easy Meat-> Catholic
Girls" medleys from the '79 tour? Now that is something that you can't do on stage
anymore.(1988)
BETTER SELECTION: Yes. See above.
CREW SLUT (1)- Frank always gave great solo during these riotous '88 performances. And
kudos to Bobby for some inspired keyboard support.(1988)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
TRYIN' TO GROW A CHIN (0)- This is my favorite version of this way-too-often released
tune. The middle instrumental section has more punch here than in any other version
(thanks to O'Hearn, of course). Still, is it worth releasing yet another version?(1977)
BETTER SELECTION: Maybe. A 1981 performance with
Thunes on vocals would probably be a little more significant.
TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF WHEN YOU DANCE (1)- For the Halloween '78 performance, the band
performed an instrumental version of this ignored dance classic. Four officially released
versions of this one, and all of them well worth the attention.(1978)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
LISA'S LIFE STORY (1)- This is from a 1981 "Pound for a Brown". Special guest
Lisa Popeil tells her life story while Frank conducts the band through some random noises.
Pretty funny, you have to admit.(1981)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
LONESOME COWBOY BURT (1)- Yet another version of this song, combining an '88 and a '71
performance (featuring Jimmy Carl Black himself). The '88 portions contain enough Secret
Word usage to differentiate this from the Best Band version, and the contrast between the
years makes for some interesting inter-song segues. (1988, 1971)
BETTER SELECTION: No. Another rare example where
Frank's editing choices reult in a better track
.
200 MOTELS FINALE (1)- Off "200 Motels", this uncredited track (which appears at
the end of "Strictly Genteel") musically describes what happens at the end of
filming "200 Motels" the movie. Another one of those tracks which makes you
realize that Flo 'n' Eddie were not that bad after all.(1971)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
STRICTLY GENTEEL (1)- The perfect ending to the not-so perfect series. Now let's all go
get some Hawaiian Punch. It's on me.(1981)
BETTER SELECTION: No.
TOTAL SCORE- 64.9% (24 out of a possible 37)
Songs earning a 1= 22
Songs earning 1/2= 4
Songs earning a 0= 11
While this Volume ranks second in the overall scoring, it is harder to
listen to than most of the other Volumes because, as least as far as disc one goes, the
tracks that do not work really do not work. Lectures about poodles, Sex Noise contests,
the origins of songs- there is simply too much material here that you listen to once and
never want to hear again. Even the tracks that work ("Farther O'Blivion",
"Tracy is a Snob") are disappointing because they are only a small portion of
what we know is a much more enjoyable whole. Disc two succeeds much better, and despite
containing a little too much '88 material, is one of the better discs in the series. When
all is said and done, however, this is probably the most frustrating Volume thanks to
Frank's frequently frustrating editing techniques. "Tracy is a Snob",
"White Person", "Emperor of Ohio", "Thirteen", "Lobster
Girl", and "Lisa's Life Story" are only small portions of mighty impressive
Monster songs. "Black Napkins" jumps from a passionate '76 horn solo to a
sterile '84 guitar solo. "Farther O'Blivion" merely teases at the majesty that
was the '73 "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow" suites. If Frank had put his editing
knife down and allowed himself to release the complete, unedited versions of all of these
songs, then we would have on our hands one of the most amazing sets of music ever.
Instead, we are left with a final Stage Volume which appears more impressive than it
actually is.
Diseases of the Fans
-who they are and what they are thinking
#1) Sean Gaffney rates this volume a 48.6% (18 out of 37)
Songs earning a 1= 12
Songs earning 1/2= 12
Songs earning a 0= 13
The only songs we completely disagreed on (with a whole point difference) were "Dirty
Love", "Emperor of Ohio", and "Catholic Girls", all of which I
gave a full point to, he none. This Volume has the biggest discrepancy in our scores,
mainly due to the fact that I was generous with the one's, or that possibly Sean was
stingy with them.
#2) Jon Naurin rates this volume a 43.2% (16 out of 37)
Songs earning a 1= 8
Songs earning 1/2= 16
Songs earning a 0= 13
CUMULATIVE SCORE- 52.25%
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